Blood Bond
by TheBlondeWeasley
Summary: After a party leaves Phil with a severe case of the chills and a hunger for O Positive he and Dan embark on a journey that will leave them in terrible danger... and wearing tacky vampire capes. -Eventual Phan and maybe some KickTheStickz.
1. Chapter 1

CHAPTER ONE

The blood forced its way up my throat, bitter and wrong, an oily black in the porcelain basin. I looked in the mirror and took in my terrified eyes, bright with pain and my skin, almost ashen with this sickness that plagued me.

"Somebody partook a little too much in the festivities tonight, me thinks," Dan cackled from the next room. "You should've known better than to drink that much you bloody moron."

I let out a weak chuckle. "Yeah, silly me…" With that I doubled over in pain, collapsing onto the tiled floor. Something was very, very wrong. Unable to move, let alone get to the toilet, I threw up on the floor. It was all a bright red and my eyes began to water. Was I dying?

"You alright in there Phil?" Dan asked concernedly, the locked door all that separated us.

I knew I should ask for help, get to hospital, but something told me it was too late for that. Best that Dan stay out until it was over. He didn't have to watch this. "Yeah," I croaked out, "think I'll stay in here tonight though."

"Mind if I take a piss?" Dan said dryly. "Sorry if my bladder inconveniences your pity party."

Darkness was licking the edge of my vision, a monster that was dragging me down into the cold. "Soon," I murmured, "when it's over."

"When what's over?" Dan asked curiously. I didn't reply, caught in a coughing fit that left me wheezing, chest on fire. "Phil?" Everything was blurring together, whether due to my dying or my tears I wasn't sure. "Phil!"

"Soon Dan." I said sleepily, blood dripping from my mouth. "It'll all be over."

The door creaked as Dan threw himself against it. "Let me in damn it!"

"I'm sorry." I whispered as the world stopped.

…

Everything was cold.

"Wasgoin'on?" I said thickly, the taste of blood filling my mouth. "My eyes are itchy," I complained to myself, "probably the contacts," I replied.

"Phil?" Dan yelled. "Are you alive or should I call triple 9?"

I glared at the tiled floor, which was crusted with brown. How long had I been lying here? "What do you think?" I croaked out.

"That somebody woke up on the wrong side of the toilet!" Dan mocked but then he seemed to grow serious. "Really though, get your hung-over arse out here."

Blearily I looked around the room. Dried blood had been splattered against the walls, the mirror, the floor and just about every available surface. "Do I even have any left?" I mumbled.

"What was that?"

"Nothing," I replied, "just talking to myself." Standing up shakily, I looked into the mirror. What I saw shocked me more than the crime scene-esque bathroom.

"Then get out here."

"Give me a minute," I said blankly. Hesitantly I touched my cheek. Surely I wasn't that pale? I looked like a corpse!

Dan seemed agitated. "This isn't Britain's Next Top Model! If I don't see a Phil shaped creature in the next ten seconds I'll break down the door."

Even in the horrible circumstances that brought a grin to my face. "What, like you tried to do last night?"

"Shut up Phil," Dan spluttered. "Ten!"

I looked frightful, blood smeared across my mouth…

"Nine!"

Eyes, darker than usual… almost the colour of storm clouds…

"Eight!"

Teeth… pointy…

"Seven!"

No… I couldn't be a…

"Six!"

I forced myself away from the mirror, unlocking the bathroom door and charging out.

"Fi-Ouch!" Dan yelled as we toppled over, hitting the carpet with a thump. "Why thank you Phil! I just love being assaulted at three in the fucking morning..." He growled, pushing me off him. Then he froze. "Is that blood?"

Hurriedly I turned away from him. "Yeah, must've cut myself by accident," I muttered. "I'm going to change."

"Looks like a bit too much blood for a cut," Dan said, concerned. I made my escape, jumping up and running for my room. "Wait a minute!" Dan complained. "I've been up the last five hours terrified that you'd died in the bathroom you bastard, at least let me check that you're not going to keel over any second."

Bit late for that, I thought to myself as I slammed the door and turned the lock. "I'll be out soon."

"Fine then," Dan grumbled. "I'll clean up in the bathroom for you."

Uh-oh… "No I can do it!" I near shrieked as I fumbled around in my drawers for my pyjamas.

"Holy fucking shit!"

Fear coiled in my stomach, cold and poisonous. There'd be no throwing Dan off the trail now.

"Phil…" Dan said faintly, "the fuck did you drink last night?"

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_Well that was fun... Review with your thoughts! Even if they're that I should never, ever touch a keyboard again :)_


	2. Chapter 2

CHAPTER TWO

"You're so cold…" Dan whispered, fingers trailing over my cheek.

"You're really warm," I replied, looking at him confusedly. He seemed very… lost. All in all very Dan… but not really what I'd expected for this situation.

We were sat on the sofa, cross-legged and facing each other, Dan taking in my strange physical changes with something akin to apathy. It was actually sort of worrying…

Dan met my eyes, a spark of defiance warming his own. There was the Howell I'd expected for this... "I don't believe in vampires," he said challengingly.

I desperately wanted to agree with him, but I didn't. "What else could I be?"

"You could have the flu?" Dan said lamely, running a hand through his hair. "Or you could be really hung-over."

Sighing, I stood up and stretched. "I'm going to get some cereal, I'm starving."

Dan jumped up as well. "This'll prove it!" He declared.

"Prove what?" I think I'd sent Dan over the edge with this vampire business.

"Vampires can't eat cereal!"

I rolled my eyes. "How would you know? I mean it depends on the book doesn't it?"

Dan glared at me. "Well I bet you're a freaking sparkly vampire and can't eat."

"Thanks Dan," I pouted, "nice to know you're on my side with this."

Dan looked instantly contrite. "I'm sorry Phil, it's just… Well you know how mental this is, right?"

I nodded, walking towards the kitchen with him. "Yeah I know… but I do look like a vampire… and the amount of blood I've puked up in the bathroom is probably close to the amount I actually have in my body." I sighed and corrected myself. "The amount of blood I had in my body."

"You're cleaning that up by the way," Dan added. I glared at him and he shrugged sheepishly. "Not the time?"

"No." Grabbing the box of Shreddies I poured them into the bowl. "Pass me the milk."

The moment of truth. Struck down by sudden fear I wasn't sure I could even raise my spoon.

"Oh for fuck's sake!" Dan said, grabbing the spoon and raising it to my lips. "Open up." Surprised, I opened my mouth wide and he shoved the spoon in. "What are you, five?"

Contemplatively I chewed, pulling the spoon out myself. "S'good." I said, eating some more.

"The hell sort of vampire are you?" Dan gave me a disgusted look.

I rolled my eyes, trust Dan to get caught up with the stereotypes of vampiredom. "Thought I wasn't a vampire?"

Dan glared at me. "Yeah well… I suppose in a few hours we can try and burn you to a crisp with the sun. That'll confirm it!"

"Technically isn't the main characteristic of a vampire the thirst for blood?" I said around a mouthful of Shreddies.

Clapping his hands on his neck he shook his head wildly. "Nope! I already have a complex when it comes to my neck… you will not be nibbling on it."

"But it could," I began.

"No!"

"Fine…" I sighed.

Dan exhaled shakily. "How did this even happen?"

I shrugged, putting down the bowl. "I think I remember…"

"Could you tell me?" Dan asked sarcastically. "Or would that take too much time out of your busy schedule?"

"I can show you," the words forced themselves out without my permission, "take my hand."

Dan gave me a weird look, grabbing my outstretched hand. "Who do you think you are? Tom Riddle… holy fuck!"

The party was in full swing, Chris heavily making out with a lamp in the corner.

"How did you do that?" Dan gaped.

I was staring around the room in awe. "No idea," I breathed. "Look!" I pointed across the room. "It's me… this is messed up."

Dan nodded. "Totally." He looked at me shrewdly. "Who's the bloke you're talking too?"

"Just some guy who decided to chat me up." I shrugged. "Nice enough sort, name's Alan."

"Some random bloke just started flirting with you…" Dan glared at me. "You bloody idiot!"

I glared back. "What? Am I not allowed to go on dates?"

Dan spluttered, turning red fast. "That's not what I meant you dolt!" He gestured at Alan and I watched as he tipped a vial of something red into my drink. "He vamp-roofied you… you utter moron."

"Well how was I to know that he was going to turn me into a vampire?" I sighed, grabbing Dan and dragging him closer.

"So Phil, would you do me the honour of going out with me tomorrow night?" Alan purred, sizing past-me up with his dark green eyes.

Dan snorted. "What a sleazy bastard."

I blushed when past-me leaned in and kissed him on the cheek. "I'd love too, what time?" Past-me took a sip of my drink and Dan groaned.

"Idiot!"

"Seven-thirty at the park, I'll bring a picnic." Alan grinned and I saw a glint of fangs.

"How in the fuck did you miss those?"

Past-me giggled. "See you then."

Alan leaned in and kissed past-me on the mouth. Dan gagged, making overblown retching noises. "Sparkly vampires, sparkly vampires!" He chanted, much to mine and Dan's bemusement. Past-me didn't even notice. "Bye beautiful."

We watched as past-me turned pale and finally past-Dan showed up. "Hey, hey Philip!" He grinned, grabbing past-me's hips. "Let's dance!"

The memory faded out and Dan blanched. "If I'd gotten there a bit earlier…" He began, before falling silent.

"Nothing you can do to change it now," I said softly. "Although, you could always help me figure out this whole vampire thing by seeing if I'm interested in drinking blood…" I sprung it on him again.

"No!" Dan wailed. "I don't want to…"

"In the name of academic study!" I wheedled and he relented, baring his neck with a shudder.

"Since when were you an academic?" Dan huffed, shivering the closer I got to him.

I didn't reply, enthralled by his neck. It wasn't often that I found myself looking at Dan's neck… but it was a very nice neck. A very nice neck with some very nice veins that I could definitely drain a few pints from…

"Please don't eat me holy fucking Christ!" Dan screeched, jumping back as I lunged… and tripped over air, falling flat on my face.

"Ouch…" I moaned from the floor.

Dan kicked me, none too lightly, in the side. "Serves you right, you fiend. Trying to take a bite out of me!"

I rolled over, expecting to see Dan's usual sarky expression. He was shaking and he refused to look me in the eye. "Are you afraid of me Dan?"

"No," he scoffed.

I didn't believe him, not for a second. "Dan…"

"Shall we reconvene in the morning to see whether the sun kills you?" Dan cut across me, looking me in the eye. There was fear, wild and unreasoning.

"Yeah," I said softly, "sure Dan."

With that he ran off, slamming his door. Faintly I heard the click of the lock. Now I was alone with my thoughts. Did I really just try to eat my best friend? Clearly I was a vampire… which was just insane and entirely impossible... But why did I have to react like that when I looked at his neck? Now he was afraid of me.

Slowly I stood and trudged towards my room. There was no point dwelling on any of this. I'd fix things with Dan in the morning and we'd figure it all out, together.

God I hoped we'd figure it out together…

I couldn't do this without Dan.

* * *

_Can't believe how fast I updated to be honest... Tell me what you think of the story so far :) And thank you to those who reviewed chapter 1! _


	3. Chapter 3

CHAPTER THREE

"Phil!" Dan screamed, shaking me awake.

"What is it?" I mumbled sleepily, feeling around on my nightstand for my glasses.

With a sigh of relief Dan launched himself into my arms. "I thought you were dead!" My nose pressed into the crook of his neck and I breathed in deep, inhaling a smell that was uniquely Dan and very appealing. "You were so cold and you wouldn't wake up and I was just so scared because you are not allowed to die goddammit!" Dan rambled, hugging me even closer.

I felt my teeth elongate, my mouth salivating at the thought of biting into the creamy skin of his neck. Dan was so… Not for eating! I berated myself inwardly, pulling back slightly from his hug. "I am dead," I pointed out, unsure of what else to say.

Dan rolled his eyes, trying to stealthily wipe his red rimmed eyes. "Well obviously… But you wouldn't wake up!"

"What's the time?" I asked curiously, deciding it was safer to not comment on Dan's tears.

"Half six."

My eyes near bulged out of my head. "Half past six!" I glared at him. "No wonder, we only went to sleep a few hours ago…"

Dan shook his head. "Half six at night, Phil." His face contorted in sympathy. "Looks like vampires sleep during the day."

"Great…" I moaned. "I'll never get a tan now!"

The evil little bastard snickered at me. "Yeah because all your other attempts were so successful... Face it Phil, you were already resigned to vampiredom before the shit hit the fan."

Glaring at him, I stood up and nearly fell back down as I clutched my stomach.

"What is it?" Dan's hands flailed about in the air, unsure of what to do.

The world was spinning and I felt faint, an intense gnawing in my stomach encompassed all rational thought. "Hungry," I muttered.

"Oh," Dan said faintly and I remembered last night's conversation. Dan couldn't handle this, not after I tried to snack on him.

I nodded, trying to push past it. "I'll be fine," I forced out, "could you get me something to eat?"

Dan scurried out faster than I'd ever seen him move, including the time I'd said I was eating his Maltesers. "I think we have some rare steak. Would you like that?" He yelled.

"Not particularly, but you might as well bring it." I replied, shuddering. That sounded disgusting! I heard him clattering around in the kitchen and the sound of something wet slapping onto a plate.

Dan bustled in, setting the plate down with a scowl. "Bloody horrible looking." Watery pink blood seeped out from under the red meat.

I agreed wholeheartedly. "Do I have to eat it?" I whined, looking at him fearfully.

"Yes," he glared, "I'm not letting you eat me." He relented when I whimpered. "Just try it at least. If you hate it I'll get you some cereal or something."

I grabbed my cutlery and tentatively cut into the meat. It made a squelching noise, more runny blood trickling out. Stabbing the tiniest sliver I popped it in my mouth… and spat it back out at Dan.

"Phil!" He growled, jumping away. "What are you, three?"

I stuck my tongue out, trying to talk around it. "Ithoible!"

"Yes well it is raw meat…" Dan rolled his eyes. "It was never going to be delicious." He grabbed the plate and cutlery, smiling weakly. "I'll get you some cereal."

I nodded; too busy wiping my tongue on my bedspread to properly reply. After a few minutes he returned with a bowl of cereal and some orange juice.

"Here you go," Dan smiled, making me wary.

"Did you put blood in the orange juice?" I asked wearily.

Dan shot me an innocent look, brown eyes filled with mischief. "Would I do that?"

…

"Suppose I've got to get ready for my date with Alan," I sighed.

Dan shook his head incredulously. "You are not going anywhere near that psychopath!"

"Yes I am Dan," I reasoned, "I need answers and he can give them to me."

"What if he doesn't show? Or what if he tries to kill you?" Dan pointed out. "It's too risky."

Standing I headed over to my wardrobe, searching through it for something sufficiently… going on a date with someone who turned me into a vampire and may want to kill me like... god this was insane. In the end I just grabbed a button up and some skinny jeans.

Even though Dan was practically having a fit over my foolish plan for answers he still found it in him to criticise my clothing choices. "Move over Edward Cullen… there's a new vamp on the block!" He crowed, grinning.

"There's nothing even remotely vampireish about my clothes?" I said confusedly.

Dan sighed. "Exactly," he said mournfully, "you're wearing a tartan shirt… who in the hell thought you'd make a good vampire?"

I shrugged. "Alan apparently… and what's wrong with my shirt?"

Dan buried his face in my pillow, muttering something about fluffy cuddly vampires with no dress sense.

"Are you planning to lie there while I get changed?"

Nodding, he shut his eyes. "Don't worry, I'm no pervert. Unlike Alan the slutty vampire bastard!" He spat out.

Sighing I pulled my shirt over my head and was pulling down my pyjama bottoms when I noticed Dan staring. "Yeah you're a complete angel… you aren't watching me undress at all," I said sardonically.

Dan just cackled and shut his eyes again, and I felt the cold inside me thaw a little.

…

"You can't be serious!"

"Dan…"

"I am coming with you! For fuck's sake Phil I'm not about to let you go out and get raped by some big shot vampire arsehole."

I smiled at him fondly. "He's not going to rape me Dan." Still smiling I led him to his room. "You've got to understand that he could hurt you though. He probably wouldn't but I can't take the chance."

Dan glared at me as we walked into his room. "How are you going to stop me from following you, huh?" I paused next to his door, smirking. "No… don't you dare!"

Slamming the door, I sighed. "It's for your own good Dan."

"Philip Michael Lester you let me out right this fucking second!"

I dragged the sofa in front of his door. "Not a chance," I sang out. "I'll be back in an hour, two tops!"

With that I made my escape, pride at having duped him and guilt over trapping him in his room warring inside me.

The park wasn't far away, a little square of green with a couple of benches and a duck pond. It was notably empty at this time of night and dimly lit. Not that it mattered, I noticed, it all looked sharp and clear… still dark but simultaneously light. "Alan?" I called out. The park remained silent. Obviously Dan was right… Alan had turned me into a vampire and then run off. He was probably laughing about it. That… that dickhead!

"Alan… you dickhead!" I screamed. "You can't turn me into this… freak and then fuck off. Come out and face me. Face the monster you've created!" With that I broke down, falling to the ground and bawling my eyes out like a baby. "My best friend is afraid of me… I'm sure my friends would be afraid of me too…" I babbled before coming to a harsh realisation. "I'm afraid of me."

"You needn't be." A voice whispered from behind me. I spun around and jumped up, fangs growing out in my mouth. "You should probably learn to control that." Allen commented, leaning against a tree, smirking. "Wouldn't want to give some little old lady a heart attack."

"You utter…" I growled, marching over to him.

He watched me coming calmly, a small smile playing on his lips. "Utter what?"

I punched him, watching his expression fall to shock and pain as I heard a satisfying crunch. "You utter twat." I said viciously.

"This could've gone completely different," Alan said thickly as he clutched his nose, fangs elongating and eyes flashing a dark red. "But you've gone and annoyed me now." For the first time in my life I felt true fear. Even my death hadn't terrified me as much as watching this… creature reach out and grab me. Alan wrapped his hands around my throat and squeezed, bring tears to my eyes. "This won't kill you," he said conversationally, "but it won't be pleasant and you may never be able to talk again." He smirked. "Such a pity, I would've loved to hear you moan as you writhed underneath me."

"Told you he was a sleaze," Dan said as he whacked him over the head with a golf club.

Alan gasped and fell to the ground, eyes glazed. Dan hit again, for good measure. "The hell are you doing here?" I yelled, equal parts grateful and terrified. "And where did you get a golf club?"

Dan rolled his eyes. "All the important questions, eh Phil?"

From his spot on the ground, Alan spewed out some charming curses that would make a sailor blush. It certainly made Phil redden as much as he could, what with being dead. Dan laughed and kicked Alan in the crotch. "Don't think I didn't hear you swearing Phil, naughty boy," Dan tutted, grinning. "Now Alan the arsehole, care to tell me why you turned my buddy Phil into a card carrying corpse?"

Alan laughed, baring his teeth. "To get you here, Mr Howell."

The hands wrapped around Dan's neck and twisted.

"Dan?" I whispered, trembling.

He fell to the ground, eyes empty.

Dan was dead.

* * *

_R.I.P Dan... Sorry about that. Please review and tell me what you think's going to happen next :)_


	4. Chapter 4

_Hello there :) Sorry for not updating sooner, I'll try and be a bit quicker with the next chapter. In the meantime enjoy..._

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CHAPTER FOUR

"No," I said weakly, collapsing down next to Dan. "You can't!" I tried to straighten his neck but his head just lolled around, like a marionette with its strings cut. "Dan…"

"Just bring him back already!" A woman with electric blue hair flopped down onto the grass next to me, obnoxiously slurping on something red from a Slurpee cup.

I stared at her blankly. "What?"

She gave me a stare as if to say 'are you thick?' "Use some vampire mojo and bring him back to life… Thought you were meant to be the king of vampires or something."

"I don't know what you're talking about," I whispered lifting Dan so that he was lying in my lap. "Can you help him?"

The girl snorted. "After I went to the trouble of killing him? Not likely."

"You have to give him some of your blood," Alan said quasi-helpfully.

"He wouldn't want to be a vampire," I murmured, stroking his hair.

Alan laughed. "That won't make him a vampire… but it'll help him stay here a bit so that you can blast some magic into him."

I glared at him. "What does that mean? Blast some magic into him… I've never done any magic in my life!"

"Well Harry Potter we sort of need him to live so take a bite out of your wrist, let him drink and get your mojo on and do some crazy raising the dead shit." The girl snapped.

I wasn't sure why but I did what she said. If it could bring Dan back… Hastily I slashed my fangs across my wrist, watching as slowly my blood trickled out. It was painful but if it helped… Dangling my wrist over Dan's open mouth I watched as the blood hit the back of his throat.

"Some magic now Harry…"

"How?" I yelled. "How in the hell do I do magic?"

Alan shrugged. "I usually just think about what I want to achieve and say what comes to mind."

"Great…" I said bitterly. "Excellent plan." I did it anyway…

"Dan, come back now please," I said weakly. "I can't do this without you… I can barely make it down to the corner shop without nearly falling into oncoming traffic!" I laughed, tears splashing down onto his skin. "Please don't leave me here alone." I sobbed, collapsing onto his chest.

The girl laughed bitterly. "I swear to god Al if you've wasted my time…"

"Marzi I'm sure it's them… they may not seem like much but I've never seen two people so in sync." Alan chattered.

Marzi snorted. "If they're so in sync than why's he still dead?"

"If you don't want to come back it's okay…" I whispered into his chest. "I'm not very impressive I know… bit of a rubbish friend. I won't hold it against you."

A hand stroked my hair weakly. "You're my best friend you tit," Dan croaked. "I'd not leave you alone."

I didn't bother looking up, there was no point. His voice was confirmation enough. He was okay, I'd done it… Though I wasn't sure how I'd done it. "Thank you for coming back," I whispered.

"My pleasure," Dan chuckled.

"As touching as this is," Marzi bit out, "I'm on a bit of a tight schedule so if you two could sit up and shut up it'd be much appreciated."

I turned and looked at her, and, much to my horror, hissed. "I'll kill you." Carefully I slid away from Dan before standing and turning to her. "I'll rip your throat out and drain you dry for touching him!" We were nose to nose and I was itching to do exactly as I'd threatened. How dare she? How dare she even talk to us after snapping Dan's neck?

"Woah tiger…" Alan got between us. "You don't want to mess with her." I punched him again and delighted in Dan's laugh. Alan clutched his eye this time, glaring at me. "Fine go ahead and get yourself killed," he snarled, "see if I care!"

"Please Mr Lester," Marzi smiled frostily, turning all business-like. "This was all quite necessary for your future."

I heard Dan standing shakily and rushed to grab him before he fell over. "How was killing me necessary?" He groaned, rubbing his neck. "I mean… it bloody hurt!"

Marzi rolled her eyes. "You're the key… the living king," she said cryptically to him, "and he's the lock… the dead king." She took a slurp of her drink. "Together... you unlock a better future for all supernatural beings." She said this at patronizingly slow pace. "You're blood bound."

"Wow… blood bound…" Dan said contemptuously. "That's super helpful! Thanks a fucking bunch."

She shrugged before tossing me her Slurpee. "Have it… I doubt you'll be getting anything out of this jammy bitch." Marzi pointed at Dan before bowing mockingly. "My lieges…" She laughed. "Have fun killing Dracula!"

Hesitantly, I took a sip from the straw. "Strawberry?"

She laughed, disappearing into the night. "Strawberries and cream my dear king."

"That's what she calls virgins." Alan said helpfully.

I looked at my wrist, amazed to see the skin knitting itself back together. "Oh…" I looked at the cup, dismayed. "It's blood." Dan flinched beside me.

"Ding, ding, ding!" Alan said snarkily. "Give that man a prize."

Dan spoke up. "So what happens now?"

Alan giggled. "You'll see…"He patted Dan on the shoulder. "I'd make some stakes if I was you." Then he frowned. "And maybe get a sword or something… that golf club isn't exactly effective."

We watched, perplexed, as Alan tottered off into the night.

"What happens now?" I asked.

"We try to go back to normal." Dan shrugged.

"You think that's possible?"

"Nope, but a guy can wish…"

* * *

_Well then... that was a bit rubbish. It gets better though, I swear. _


	5. Chapter 5

_Here we have a longer chapter of questionable content because I don't actually remember what I wrote. I would like to dedicate this extra long chapter (extra long in my opinion anyways) to witbeyondmeasureXOX who has reviewed all of the chapters so far and always leaves a lovely comment. _

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CHAPTER FIVE

"Dan?"

"Yes Edward?"

"What have I told you about calling me that?"

Dan sauntered in, a katana in his hands. "Not to?" He winked, grinning shamelessly. "I can be Bella."

Sighing I lay back down on the couch, ignoring the hunger pangs as best I could. It'd been ten days since the… events… in the park and the blood Slurpee. All things considered I was surviving pretty well. Though how much longer I could go on like this I wasn't sure. "You're certainly annoying enough to be Bella," I replied. "Also, where did you get a katana?"

He stuck his tongue out. "You're creepy enough to be Edward." I opened my mouth to retort but he cut me off. "Don't think I haven't caught you sneaking out of my room after watching me sleep!" He grinned. "Don't worry it's adorable really." I couldn't prevent my cheeks from staining a faint pink and Dan smirked. He swung the katana around in the air. "I got this at a garage sale!" Dan said happily. "Can you believe that someone was willing to part with this?"

"It's very nice," I complimented. "Just don't behead me with it accidently, yeah?"

Dan rolled his eyes. "Would I?"

"You nearly set me on fire the other day!"

He pursed his lips. "Yes, well the flamethrower may have been a rash purchase… but this beauty will come in handy." Then he smiled, holding up his hand. "Just wait here! I got you something as well…" With that he scuttled off.

This could only be very bad. Over the past week and a bit Dan had been fixated on preparing for whatever was coming our way. I thought it quite surprising that he'd willingly listen to what Alan had said because that just wasn't a very Dan thing to do. Clearly the whole being brought back to life thing had changed him a bit… it was understandable I supposed. Though it was still weird to find him browsing the best ways to incapacitate people and how to effectively stab someone in the heart.

"Here we are then!" Dan snickered, holding out a plastic bag. "I thought you might like it to help… complete your image."

I sat up and grabbed the bag off him, frowning. "What image?" From out of the bag I pulled a massive black cape… "Very funny," I muttered as Dan burst out laughing. It was actually reasonably nice supposed, it was lined with blue satin instead of the stereotypical red and it looked pretty warm. Standing I shook it out, smiling.

"You actually like it!" Dan snickered.

Shrugging I flung it over my shoulder and tried to tie it up at the front. "Little help here?"

Dan snorted. "You are useless," he mocked, tying a bow effortlessly. "There you look much more creature of the night now," he said jokingly, looking into my eyes.

"Thanks," I said quietly, a small smile playing on my lips.

The tension only grew from there as we awkwardly stared at each other. Then the doorbell rang. Saved by the bell indeed… "Who do you think it is?" Dan whispered, eyes hard.

I shrugged, not entirely surprised by Dan's behaviour. He'd nearly stabbed a door to door salesman yesterday… "Probably someone trying to sell something?"

"I'll check it out," Dan decided, bring his katana into an excellent position for lopping off the heads of innocent people.

"No!" I said, perhaps a bit too fervently. "Let me."

Dan pouted, lowering the sword. "If you insist."

I ran down stairs until I got to the door. "Who's there?" I said in as confident a tone as I could muster.

"Chrios Kendallas!" A voice claimed flamboyantly. "And his glamorous assistant PJ Liguori!"

"Hello!" PJ said happily. "We decided to pay you a visit."

"To tell you something of utmost importance!" Chris declared. "So let us in would you?"

"Err… in a minute!" With that I raced back up the stairs. "Dan!" I hissed.

Dan's smile faltered when he took in my distressed state. "Who is it?"

"Chris and Peej," I started running around, grabbing handfuls of stakes. "We've got to hide all this before I let them in." I reached for a cross and Dan batted my hand away roughly. "What was that for?"

Dan gave me an incredulous look. "We have no clue what touching a cross could do to you," he said as he scooped up a few canisters of 'genuine' holy water. "You go open the door and distract them while I finish up here."

I nodded and started to run off before pausing. "What if they notice?"

"What that you're an undead leech?" Dan said dismissively. "Phil, people have been asking you that for years."

I glared at him. "What if I try and eat them though?"

"You won't." He gave me a small smile. "You haven't tried to eat me of late, have you?"

No but I wanted to… "Fine I'll go get the door."

"Good man!" Dan dashed off with a load of dangerous weapons in his arms and I went to answer the door.

"Sorry about that guys." I said as I whipped open the door.

Immediately Chris started to snicker. "Let me guess… you vant to suck my bloooood?" He said in a hammy Transylvanian accent.

"What?" I squeaked. "What makes you think that?"

PJ pointed at me. "The vampire cape mostly, though you look very pale as well."

"Thanks Peej," I said petulantly, trying to cover up my fear. Stupid me… why did I have to forget to take off the cape? "I love being reminded of how pale I am."

Chris giggled. "Like Casper the friendly ghost." A thump and some cursing came from upstairs. "What was that?"

"Just Dan… he's probably fallen over or something." I shrugged, inwardly freaking out. What was he doing? "Dan, you okay?" I yelled up.

"Yeah…" Was his muffled reply. "Don't come up yet."

"Were you two having hot, kinky sex?" Chris grinned.

I couldn't help but snort. "With Dan? Yeah, right. He's so far in the closet that he's made it to Narnia."

PJ frowned. "He flirts with you constantly…"

"That's just how he is," I shrugged. "It doesn't mean anything."

PJ looked like he wanted to argue but was interrupted by Dan's embarrassed yell. "You can come up now…" We headed on up with me in the lead, and I was afraid of what I would find. "Hey guys!" Dan said cheerily through his pain. The house looked normal… except for Dan, who had a huge cut on his cheek.

"Told you it was kinky sex," Chris giggled. PJ wacked him over the head, looking at Dan worriedly.

"How did you manage to do that?" He questioned.

Dan laughed uneasily. "Fell over…"

"Come on Dan let's get you cleaned up." I said quickly, smiling at the others. "You guys don't mind waiting here for a bit?"

They shook their heads, Chris smirking. "Don't worry, we'll let you finish."

Grabbing Dan by the arm I rushed him to the bathroom, ignoring Chris' catcalls. Once the door was safely shut and locked I turned and glared at him. "How did you even…" I started, looking at him disbelievingly.

Dan shrugged, a blush staining his cheeks. "The katana."

Sighing, I rifled around in the cupboard for a plaster and some antiseptic. "You… stupid face."

In the mirror I saw Dan smile, blood trickling down near his mouth. Bright red blood… this bathroom had seen a lot of that. "That the best you can come up with?"

"How about you bloody stupid idiot?" I asked, pulling out the antiseptic and some cotton balls, shuddering at the feel of them in my hand. "This is going to sting." I said, turning to face him.

That's when I smelled it; a scent that I couldn't truly identify the parts of but of which I knew the name. Dan. "Phil?" Dan said warily. "You're doing that thing with your eyes and your teeth which I've come to notice you only do when you're contemplating eating me. Could you stop?"

I stared at him, every instinct in me screaming weird things like 'just grab him and eat him you know you want to...he'll be tasty it's Dan yummy deliciousness'. "I'm really hungry," I whispered, inching closer.

To my horror and happiness, Dan moved closer too. "You can resist this," he smiled, wrapping his arms around me and leaning forward until our foreheads were touching. "I know you can because you're too nice to eat even the worst person alive, let alone me."

I inhaled shakily, looking into his eyes. "How can I resist something that's in my nature?"

Dan smiled softly. "You're resisting right now."

He was right. I no longer felt the need to eat Dan… though my current thoughts still involved pressing him up against the wall and doing unspeakable things. "You're right."

Dan's lips pressed against mine. "Thank you." He said simply, as he stepped back. "I can do this." He pulled the cottonwool out of my shocked hands. "You go entertain Chris and Peej."

In a daze I walked out of the room. What just happened? Did Dan really just kiss me? And what was with the thank you? Was it for not eating him? Also, why did my mouth taste like mint chocolate? I really wanted to kiss him again… "Dan will be out in a sec." I said absently to the boys.

"You have blood on your lips," Chris snickered.

I froze, unable to stop myself from licking it off my lips. It tasted like mint chocolate… oh god. This made that kiss take on a rather sinister edge. Was it Dan that was so addictive… or was it still the idea of eating Dan…

"Phil!" PJ said sharply, jerking me back into the world.

I blinked. "Sorry."

"You and Dan are acting strange," PJ accused.

Dan sauntered in, trying (and failing) to look as if he hadn't been around the corner listening. "So what made you two decide to traipse over here at this late hour?" He tried to change the conversation but PJ wasn't having it.

"Well we tried coming over at about three this afternoon but apparently you two were still asleep." Dan and I looked at each other guiltily. That wasn't surprising considering my new sleep schedule… and Dan usually only got up at about four these days. "What's up with you two?"

We looked at each other for a moment, panic clouding our better judgement. "Phil…" Dan started. "Phil is…" He wasn't going to tell them, was he? "Phil is my boyfriend!" Dan declared.

There was a silence, which I spent inwardly face-palming. I should've said something before Dan. Granted, we were both terrible at making excuses under pressure, but surely I could've come up with something a little bit more relevant to the line of conversation! "I knew it!" Chris grinned, leaping forward and grabbing Dan and I in a massive hug. "Phan forever!"

Dan and I groaned. There was something very strange about Chris referring to our relationship, which didn't even actually exist I reminded myself, as 'Phan'.

"I'm not sure I believe you guys," PJ said.

"Why would we be lying?" Dan pointed out as Chris finally released us. He then wrapped and arm around my waist, pulling me in until I was squished against his side, and I had to struggle not to laugh. Somehow I doubted that Dan would actually do that with someone he was going out with… it was way too possessive. Though how would I really know. I wasn't in a relationship with him. Though I might want to be…

PJ stared at me suspiciously. "Earlier Phil was talking about you being quite far into the closet and not having any interest in him," he thought a moment, "not to mention you two aren't exactly very well suited for each other."

"The fuck do you mean by that?" Dan said coolly. I pulled away slightly and grabbed his hand, it was his right… but maybe that would discourage him from punching PJ in the face anyway.

"Just that you two are perfect as best friends… but I don't see the romance there." PJ shrugged

"Well you're wrong." I cut in before Dan could say something extremely offensive. "So maybe you should try being a little more accepting, like Chris." I was actually quite hurt, was this really what Peej thought?

PJ sighed, but he didn't seem particularly repentant. "Yeah, sorry."

Chris smiled weakly at us all. "So… KickTheStickz is a thing!"

…

Two hours later they were out the door.

"Bye guys!" Chris said cheerily.

"Can I talk to you Phil?" PJ asked uneasily, looking at Dan's stony expression.

I shrugged. "Sure, outside?"

Dan glared at me. "Do you really think that's a good idea?" He muttered.

"What, talking to Peej?" I said innocently, knowing full well that he meant going outside. God he was paranoid. He pouted at me and I smirked. "I'm sure I'll be fine. Come on PJ."

The night air was nice after ten days spent cramped up inside. "What is it Peej?"

"You aren't really dating Dan, are you?"

"No," I said guiltily. "Might as well be though, we argue like a married couple sometimes..."

He sighed, ignoring my attempt at a joke. "Why did you lie?"

I smiled sadly and shrugged. "It's easier than explaining what's going on right now."

PJ didn't like that answer. "Couldn't you try and explain?" He said, frustrated.

"It's not something me and Dan are ready to talk about." Ever, I added in my head.

He gave in. "You can trust me you know," PJ said desperately.

I nodded. "I know."

PJ pulled me in for a hug. "I feel like I'm never going to see you again."

I laughed. "You're not going to get rid of me that easy Peej."

"I guess…" He whispered, but he didn't sound very sure.

"I'll call you later this week, yeah? So that you can be sure that I'm still breathing." Not that I was still breathing…

PJ smiled and let me go. "I'm going to hold you to that."

"Come on bitch!" Chris yelled at PJ.

PJ glared at him. "I'm not your bitch…"

He snickered, running over to us. "Sure you aren't." He looped his arm through Peej's. "Bye Phil."

"Bye guys," I smiled, heading back to the apartment. Dan had clearly gone back upstairs. Closing the door behind me I sang out. "Well that was fun, wasn't it?"

There was no reply. Typical. "If you're freaking out over the kiss thing then don't." I called out as I headed up. "We can definitely forget it if you have an issue…" I trailed off when I saw the living room.

It was trashed, the furniture flipped and something that looked suspiciously like… I sniffed the air, feeling somewhat stupid. Definitely blood though. "Shit," I muttered. "Dan?"

"Shh!" Someone hissed.

"Who's there?" I whispered, admittedly a little bit freaked out.

"It's me stupid."

I relaxed. "Thank god…" I looked around the room fruitlessly. "Where are you?"

Dan popped up in front of me and I recoiled, shrieking my head off. "Shh!" He admonished. "They might still be here."

"I don't think so," I said, pointing at the wall. "They've left a message."

Painted on the wall in a thick crimson was a warning. '_Beware those who would take what is mine, for I do not tolerate treachery. You better run bitches- Count Vladimir Dracula (Prince of Darkness, King of the Vampires and Queen of Dance)_'.

Dan sighed. "Couldn't he have just sent a text?"

* * *

_Sometimes I wonder what I'm doing with my life. Then I consider that at least I enjoy wasting my time on the internet. If you also enjoy wasting your time on the internet then consider leaving a review, that'd be a decent time waster. Until next time folks :)_


	6. Chapter 6

_Well here is your infrequently frequent update :) Not sure I'm overly fond of this chapter but I'm sure I wrote it for a reason (one that will probably become apparent to my brain in a few chapters if I'm lucky). Thank you to those who are reading this fanfic and a special thanks to those who review and follow it. Until next time 3_

* * *

CHAPTER SIX

"We need to leave," Dan whispered, staring up at the ominous note.

I turned to him, an incredulous look on my face. "We can't just vanish, Dan. We have friends, family… and the radio show is on tomorrow!"

He rolled his eyes. "Are any of those things worth our lives, Phil?" Dan asked. "If we stay, we could die."

I shivered. I didn't want to die... again. But at the same time I didn't want to up and disappear on everyone I knew. They'd worry. But dying… and risking Dan's life… "Well can we take a camera? At least that way the fans won't have a coronary. You ring the BBC and make some sort of excuse." I said, giving in.

Dan grinned. "I knew you'd see sense! Pack a bag and we'll set off to find a hotel for the day so that you don't fry."

"Should we clean up the wall?" I asked, but Dan was already racing off to grab his katana. "I'll take that as a no, then."

"Pack some clothes and food, we've no idea where we could end up!" Dan sang out. "Also wires and chargey stuff for the camera and our phones."

"Yes master…" I grumbled in my best Igor accent. "I live to serve master."

Dan popped his head around the door and smirked. "I like you calling me master." I shot him the finger and he giggled, disappearing again. "Remember to take your cape off before we head out! But remember to pack it, we might have to battle vampires and it'll look really awesome if you're wearing it."

"Total personality transplant," I mumbled, awestruck. "Where is sarky Dan?"

"He's on holiday, now get packing servant!" Dan cackled.

With a sigh, I did as I was told.

…

We ended up in some horrible motel in Holloway, trying to get a room. "We have a room with a queen bed, that's it," the receptionist said, chewing on some gum that filled the lobby with an overwhelming minty scent.

Dan shrugged. "We don't mind," he smiled at her. "How much will it be?"

The woman tapped at her keyboard, red talons scraping along the plastic. "You two queens yourselves?" She said bluntly, lips curling in distaste. I felt my fangs elongate in my mouth, what a horrid little...

"He is," Dan pointed at me. "I'm not one for labels myself. Why, do you have an issue with homosexuality?"

The woman shook her head, and to my dismay not one strand of hair in her elaborate bouffant hairdo moved an inch. She was clearly not human, possibly even less human than me. "We get gays in here all the time, good customers. Always leave a nice tip." She looked us over. "It'll be eighty a night."

"Just one night thanks," Dan tried to keep his cheerful tone, but he was clearly as disgusted by this woman as I was. He handed over the eighty pounds but her hand stayed outstretched, the key held in the other, firmly out of reach.

"Like I said, queers give good tips." I looked into her eyes and saw Satan dancing around, if I was being perfectly honest.

Dan glared at her, but forked out another twenty. "That enough? He spat.

She smiled, looking like the cat that got the cream. Or the canary more likely. "You two gentleman have a nice night." With that she handed us the keys and pulled out her phone, likely texting some equally odious suitor of hers.

"You too," we replied, scrambling up the stairs (Dan nearly falling on his face) in our haste to get away.

"What a bitch," Dan muttered.

I nodded. "She was like a prostitute version of Dolores Umbridge."

Dan giggled. "That's exactly what it was! We're in room two-fourteen."

"Well this is two-six so I'm guessing we head this way."

The room was questionable health-wise and much too small for two best friends, however comfortable we were in each other's presence. "This is… cosy," Dan mumbled, flopping down on the bed.

Tentatively, I sat down beside him. "What are we going to do?" I said miserably.

"We're only in the room one night, Phil. I'm sure we can share a bed that long…"

"Not that!" I exclaimed, lying back next to him. We stared up at the ceiling for a moment, probably both wondering whether the ceiling was meant to be a furry green. "Just… we are on the run from Dracula." I sighed, "You know I'm sorry about all this right. If I wasn't such an idiot and didn't get vamp-roofied this wouldn't have happened."

"You don't need to be sorry," Dan whispered and I felt his hand entwine with my own. "It's not your fault."

Something hot and bitter clogged up my throat and I fought back a sob. We lay there for hours, as I cried silently, until slowly I drifted off to sleep.

…

When I woke up, I was on fire. "Holy shit!" I screamed, patting at my skin as I literally caught a light. "Dan, wake up you idiot!"

"What?" Dan mumbled, not even opening his eyes.

"I'm on fire!" I shrieked as my skin bubbled.

Dan opened one eye and looked at me calmly, considering I was in the process of dying I was sort of worried at how collected he was. "We may have left the blinds open," he said sheepishly.

"Well then close them!" I screamed, diving for the shadows under the bed.

Dan jumped up and soon I felt a coolness wash over me as the flames died down. "Are you okay?" He said and I glared up at him.

"What do you think?" I said angrily.

He sighed, rubbing at his sleepy eyes. "You know it isn't my fault that the window was left open. It's partially your fault too."

"I'm well aware of that!" I growled. "But you don't seem to understand…You wake up with the window open and you get blinded for a moment. I was on fire and it is only six in the morning and I'm super tried and deformed looking with burns and hungry and I really want to eat you so yeah it might be my fault as well but I haven't been able to think past the fear and hunger for the last eleven days!" I roared, right in his face.

Dan nodded, taking this much better than I'd expected. Instantly all anger drained away, leaving me feeling childish and very guilty for shouting. "I'll be back, I'm going to get something for your burns." He moved away, heading for the door.

"Dan…" I whispered, reaching out a hand.

He turned to look at me and shook his head, giving me a small smile. "I'm not mad, Phil. I'll be back as soon as I find a Tesco or maybe a chemists." With that he walked out.

I worried that he might not walk back in again.

…

After a half hour of near delusional sleepy fretting I heard the click of the lock. "You're back!"

Dan rolled his eyes. "You didn't think I'd abandon you, did you?"

I shrugged. "If I was you, I'd abandon me."

"Good thing I'm not you then." He passed me a Slurpee. "I got you a strawberry Slurpee, thought you might appreciate it after the screaming you did."

"I'm really sorry about that," I said, accepting the drink. I looked at Dan's wrist, which was covered in a multitude of wristbands. I hadn't seen Dan with this many bands since I'd first met him.

Dan shrugged smiling. "I probably would be pissed if I'd woken up on fire, it's fine. Drink your Slurpee," he instructed.

I did as I was told, obediently sucking some up through the straw. It wasn't cold like I'd expected but more lukewarm than anything. Coupled with a mint chocolate flavour I knew it wasn't a strawberry Slurpee. The burns faded away to nothing. "Give me your wrist," I said to Dan worriedly.

Dan handed me his left arm, smirking.

"The other one you prat."

Sighing, he handed me his right arm and I carefully moved some of the wrist bands out of the way. There was a white bandage partially bled through. "I had to Phil," Dan pointed out. "In fact I wanted to."

I gave him a look. "Yeah, I'm sure you wanted to slit your wrist open in order to feed your undead flatmate."

He rolled his eyes, tugging the wristbands back down. "No I wanted to make sure that my best friend didn't get hungry enough to do something he'd regret later. If you hadn't figured it out, that something would probably be me. So really this is for both of our benefits."

"We need to clean the cut," I said, trying to ignore the truth of Dan's words. He was completely right to do what he did… but it was still horrible.

Dan shook his head. "The skin basically stitched itself back together, must be some lingering healing juice from the whole coming back to life thing." He smiled, sitting down and I wrapped an arm around him instinctively. "Everything's fine Philip, just drink up the blood and then we'll put you to bed."

"Okay mum," I chuckled, taking another gulp of the Slurp… blood. It was really hard to ignore the fact that I was drinking the guy I was sitting next to. "Aren't you dizzy from all the blood giving?"

Dan shrugged, pulling a packet of Maltesers from his pocket. "A bit, but these'll get my blood sugar back to normal and it'll all be fine."

"But nothing's fine, is it?" I said lowly. "Everything's insane."

Dan leaned into my side, yawning. "Not everything is insane."

I laughed bitterly, my arm tightening around him. "Like what?"

He smiled, looking at me. "Your eyes aren't dark anymore, they've gone back to how the used to be." Dan turned my head so that I was looking into his eyes.

"How is that not insane?" I asked quietly, taking in how fondly he looked back at me.

"No you're right, that's still insane," he whispered. "And it's even more insane to think that someone could have such beautiful eyes." Dan leaned closer until our lips were separated by a hairsbreadth. "You make everything fine, Phil. Maybe not sane… but who needs that?"

I leaned forward and captured his lips in a kiss.

...


	7. Chapter 7

_I'm not quite sure what to make of this, only that it helps further the plot and is somewhat necessary and I kept it in because I found it amusing. Reviews are always welcome and appreciated :)_

* * *

CHAPTER SEVEN

"Time to go!" Dan yelled in my ear, startling me enough that I fell off the bed. Naturally he started to cackle at my misfortune.

"I hate you," I said petulantly from where I lay, shuddering at the feeling of crusty carpet against my cheek.

Dan snorted. "You fucking love me bitch."

"Not currently," I grumbled, getting to my feet.

He pouted. "Oh, diddums… did I scare you, you poor little creature?"

"I will hurt you." I tried my best angry face.

Dan lay back on the bed, completely relaxed and sadly not petrified. "I'd like to see you try," he said challengingly.

I leapt at him, screaming a battle cry.

"Get off me you fucking lunatic!" Dan complained, trying to smother his laughter as I began to tickle his sides.

Smirking, I tickled harder.

"Please I'll do anything…" Dan let out a cross between a groan and a giggle, which frankly terrifying.

"Well first of all you can promise to never make that noise again," I said seriously. "It was ghastly and if I wasn't already dead it surely would've stopped my heart."

Dan stuck out his tongue, like the four year old he truly was. "I'll always make that noise now, just to annoy you."

"Then I'll never stop tickling you!"

"You already have moron."

"Oh…" I said, looking down at Dan. How in the hell had I ended up straddling him? I felt my cheeks turn pink. "Hello."

Dan grinned. "Hello back."

"You want me to move?" I asked nervously, looking anywhere but Dan.

"Not really… but we do have to get a move on." With that he launched upwards, forcing us to switch places so that he was on top. "But first, would you like a good morning kiss to go with your wakeup call and tickle fight?"

I nodded. "That'd be nice."

…

"Sure youse don't want ta spend another night at Murray's?" Today an old man with a slight paunch and a ratty beard was behind the counter. Dan and I just thought ourselves lucky that it wasn't Umbridge.

Dan tried to hold back a smirk. "That's what the place is called? Murray's Motel?"

"Murray's Marvellous Motel, Dan," I said sagely. "Didn't you read the brochure?"

Ratty beard man grinned, revealing his yellowed, grimy teeth. "Nice to know that one of you folks has read my brochure, I worked hard on that."

"You're Murray?" Dan asked.

Murray nodded. "The very same, last night my wife Agnes had to take over for me, had a bad case of the trots, I did."

Dan made a little choking noise. "That's… unfortunate," I said politely.

"You okay, fella?"

Dan let out a strangled whine, eyes shining with mirth and tears. I shook my head. "He's fine; he's just overcome with terror at the thought of when he last had the 'trots'." I leaned closer and whispered conspiratorially. "He was sitting on his girlfriend and he pooped all over her."

Murray groaned, giving Dan a sympathetic pat on the shoulder. Dan was turning an amusing shade of purple as he tried to keep quiet. "Been there compadre, one time I met this sweet as girl and I was really into her, ya feel me? So we were getting down to the naughty stuff, doing some of the old frickle frackling and I musta thrust a little too hard cause next thing you know I shit myself. The girl puked up all over me when she smelt it and then I upchucked on her! Awkward times…" Murray shook his head ruefully. "Well anyways… youse have a nice night, ya hear?"

"We hear," Dan forced out, grinning and grabbing my hand. "You too." With that Dan and I ran out of the motel, laughter streaming along behind us.

Once we were out in the cool air Dan began to gasp for breath, sniggering. "You alright?" I snickered.

Dan waved his hand around in the air nonchalantly, as if to say 'the hell do you think?', hiccupping. "We need to get a move on," he wheezed. "And did you have to engage him in conversation?"

I nodded, smirking. "Didn't you want to hear about his bad case of the 'trots'?" Dan shook his head, shuddering. "Also, where are we going?"

"Chris' house," Dan said before strutting off.

"Is that a good idea?" I shouted after him, running to catch up.

Dan shrugged. "Probably not?"

I glared at him. "We might put him in danger, Dan."

"So?"

"So?" I spluttered. "What do you mean so? He's our best friend Dan."

Dan stopped and I crashed into him, grabbing him to steady myself. "No," Dan whispered, "he isn't my best friend."

"What do you mean?" I asked, spinning him around to face me.

He looked at me gravely. "My best friend is you and right now you're the priority, not Chris." Dan stared at me, searching for some sort of understanding. "If it means to keep you safe that I have to put my friends and family in danger, then I will. That maybe a horrible thing to do but I'm a selfish bastard and you're all I care about right now." He finished angrily.

I grabbed his hand and started walking. "We'll go to Chris'," I said quietly.

"Thank you."

…

Peej, who answered the door, wasn't too pleased at us coming around unannounced at ten thirty on a Sunday night. "Are you two on the run from alien bandits from one of Jupiter's moons or something?" He grouched. "Because that is the only decent excuse you could have."

"Who's that?" Chris voice rang out.

"Dan and Phil."

Chris bounded around the corner, dressed in a ballerina outfit. "Let me guess," Dan smirked, "hot, kinky sex?"

"PJ has a major fetish for tulle, who would've guessed?" Chris walked over to Peej, rubbing the tutu against his side. "You like that babe?"

PJ looked ready to kill. "We were filming a video, if you must know."

"That would explain the crankiness," I pointed out to Dan. "Peej hates people interrupting his genius."

Dan nodded wisely. "Especially us, because every time he talks to us he loses a few brain cells."

"Now that you've finished psychoanalysing me, could you explain why you're here?"

"Could we come in first? It's a bit cold out here, Dan's half frozen," I wheedled.

For a moment I thought Peej was going to slam the door on us. "Come on, let them in for a bit," Chris smiled at PJ. "It won't kill you."

"Might do…" He muttered, begrudgingly allowing us to come inside. "So what do you want?" He repeated, shutting the door and heading for Chris' living room.

"To update you on some… important changes in our lives," Dan said vaguely; this alone made PJ perk up quite a bit, staring at me with a speculative gleam in his eye.

"Is this the stuff you wouldn't tell me yesterday?"

Dan nodded and I turned to him, open-mouthed. "Are we telling them… all of it? Like every insane detail?"

"Might as well," Dan said, "I mean they're our friends and we owe them the truth, no matter how implausible and fucked up."

"What's all this about?" Chris looked lost.

PJ sat down on the couch, pulling Chris with him. "Say your piece," he commanded. "Tell us everything you have been hiding."

Dan and I stared at each other awkwardly. "Remember that party we went to the other week? Well…"

When Dan finished Chris and PJ were silent. Then slowly Chris began to giggle. "Phil, a vampire? Not bloody likely…"

PJ glared at us. "I thought you trusted us, now you're feeding us crap that's even more ridiculous than you guys being together."

"Wait they aren't together?"

"We are!" I said emphatically, wrapping an arm around Dan's waist.

PJ shook his head. "You said yesterday that you were lying."

Dan smirked. "He changed his mind, didn't he?"

"Well I still think you're shitting us with all this nonsense," he said stubbornly. "Can't you tell the truth?"

"It is the truth!" I cried. "I'll prove it."

PJ snorted. "How are you going to do that? Grow a pair of… holy fuck." He turned a funny grey colour, clutching onto Chris for comfort. "Dan, get away from him!" He whispered and I felt my stomach churn.

"Are you scared of me, Peej?" I asked softly, upset but unsurprised. After all, I was afraid of me, so why shouldn't PJ be.

PJ didn't respond to me, choosing to gesture at Dan. "Get here now!"

Dan rolled his eyes, turning to me and smiling. "It's just Phil, Peej. He's about as a likely to hurt me as a bunny rabbit."

"Yeah, a vicious killer bunny with fangs and cool flame decals," Chris finally spoke up, grinning.

"Not helping Chris," I muttered, retracting my fangs. "Also, flame decals? I burn in the sun, stupid."

Chris shrugged unapologetically before baring his neck. "You should turn me into a vampire!"

"Chris!" PJ shrieked. Dan and I settled for staring at him, flabbergasted.

He giggled at Peej. "It was a joke, guys."

"Not funny Chris," Dan groaned.

"I thought it was hilarious," Chris smirked.

"Get out," PJ muttered at me.

"Really Peej?" Dan said exasperatedly. "He's not going to eat you."

PJ jumped up, jostling Chris who glared at him. "Then who has he been eating, huh?" Peej stared at me like I was a stranger, someone who should be feared. "Has he been hurting you, Dan?"

"No!" Dan yelled, but the faint guilt and the glance to his wrist gave him away.

Peej grabbed his wrist, pulling the band aside to reveal the bandage the Dan hadn't bothered to remove. "He has! Oh my god Dan you can't let him do this to you."

"I didn't let him do anything," Dan said angrily, wrenching his arm from PJ's grasp. "I did this without his permission because he was starving himself so that he didn't hurt anyone. Not that it's any of your business anyway!" Dan spat. "It's between Phil and I."

"He's a monster, Dan!"

"Fuck you," Dan said quietly. "We'll leave then." Grabbing my hand, Dan began to walk out.

"I can't let you leave with it," PJ declared, blocking our way.

Dan rolled his eyes. "You can't stop me from leaving with him."

PJ wrenched Dan away from me. "Let him go," I whispered, trying to stay still. He ignored me and that's when I struck. Batting Dan aside I wrapped my hands around PJ's neck, pressing him up against the wall. "I told you to let him go," I growled, feeling my fangs press into my lower lip.

"Phil," Chris muttered, "don't hurt him."

"But you didn't listen, did you?" I removed my hands, keeping him there through fear alone. Pressing my nose into the crook of his neck I breathed in the scent of his blood. It was sweet with fear.

"Phil," Dan whispered into my ear, "he's our friend, remember?"

"He touched you," I said stubbornly, turning to him. "You're mine."

Dan rolled his eyes. "I'm not 'yours' you drama queen! He's afraid that's all, don't kill him over that."

I turned to Dan, letting PJ scramble away. "He's afraid," I repeated dumbly, feeling icy fear wash over me. "I'm afraid too."

Dan hugged me close, completely calm in the face of the monster I'd become. "You don't need to be."

My fangs pressed against his neck. "You should be afraid," I breathed, trying to restrain myself. I wasn't sure I could. The monsters were out to play.

"I don't need to be."

I bit.


	8. Chapter 8

_And here we have some furthering of the plot. The next chapter will be better, I assure you. Please review if you enjoy :)_

* * *

CHAPTER EIGHT

Dan gasped sharply, grabbing my arm as my fangs sunk deep into his neck. Behind me I heard PJ shriek. The world grew faint, all that mattered was blood. "I trusted you." The words tore through me, leaving me with a sinking guilt. But still I drank.

"Guys?" Chris whispered. "I think Peej's fainted." That, strangely enough, was what broke the trance I was in.

I gently moved away, watching as the holes on Dan's neck scabbed over. I was tempted to look at Dan but I wasn't ready to see the betrayed look just yet.

"I hope he hit his head," Dan muttered woozily, grabbing my hand and pulling me back in. That was… well a bit of a weird mixed message.

Shaking slightly, I laced our fingers together. "No you don't."

Dan glared at the comatose form on the floor. "No, I really do."

Chris rolled his eyes, seemingly unfazed by the fact that I'd just half drained our friend Dan, sitting back down on the sofa and using PJ as a footstool. "You guys should probably leave before Peej wakes up again," he pointed out sadly, giving me a smile. "For what it's worth I think it's awesome that you're a blood-sucking fiend."

"Thanks Chris," I mumbled.

"One question," Dan said, "I'd hoped that Peej could answer this for me but I suppose you'll have to do."

"I'm offended at your lack of faith in my answering abilities!"

"You always give the stupidest responses," Dan said exasperatedly.

Chris grinned. "Well duh. So question away my good man."

"If you were being chased by Count Dracula, what would you do?"

Chris smirked. "Everyone always says that Phil attracts the weirdest people but this is a whole new level of insane, I'm almost proud." He thought a while. "Well I suppose I'd go all Van Helsing on his arse. Stock up on stakes and holy water and head off to Transylvania!"

"Wonder how much tickets to Transylvania cost…" Dan mumbled to himself. "And can Phil go in baggage?"

"I'm not going in baggage!" No matter how passive I was feeling (which for once I had good reason to be, considering I'd betrayed his trust in the most awful of ways), Dan always found a way to make me argue with him. I spluttered, glaring at him. "And we aren't going to Transylvania."

"But Phil…"

"No!"

Dan harrumphed, pouting. "But don't you remember what the crazy lady who killed me and the slutty vampire bastard said?"

"Still can't believe you've both died," Chris muttered.

I ignored Chris, choosing to roll my eyes at Dan. "I was sort of in shock at the time, so I'm afraid not."

"They said we have to kill Dracula and become the kings of the vampire world, moron, how did you miss that?" Dan said flippantly.

"Did you hear what you just said?"

Dan shrugged. "Yeah, I did."

"Then surely you know how insane you sound?"

Chris snorted. "Even I thought your nonchalance was a bit mental, Danny boy."

"Well we have to do something to get Dracula off our backs," he said desperately. "So we might as well take the option that gives us a holiday overseas?"

"Dan…"

"Please?"

"You're an idiot and I'll not do it," I complained.

"But you will," he said smugly, "I bet you'd have my babies if you could."

Chris laughed. "Dan, no offense but you scream bottom."

Dan glared at him peevishly. "Shut up Chris."

"He knows I speak the truth," Chris snickered.

"Come on Phil lets go kill Dracula!"

I sighed. "You're not going to let me get out of this, are you?"

"Not a fucking chance," Dan said cheerfully.

"Fine," I groaned.

"YAY!" Dan and Chris yelled and PJ twitched on the floor.

…

"So, you go lie down and sleep or whatever the fuck vampires do when the suns up, hibernate or whatever, there's a dim dark corner over there," Dan skipped along, dragging our worldly possessions behind him. "I'll try and book us for the next flight available."

I hovered awkwardly beside him. "I can come with you, if you like? They might want to see my passport or something…"

"Then I'll take your passport with me," he said firmly. "Go sleep."

Nodding nervously, I swerved off to sit in the corner that Dan had pointed out, hoping to god that no one called an ambulance thinking I was dead when I finally dropped off. Through hooded eyes I took in the crowds of people, everyone from business men to frail little old ladies with walking frames.

I didn't want to eat them. Deep down I knew that everyone I'd seen over the past few days, no matter how physically unappealing (case in point: Murray's wife Agnes), had made my mouth water. Yet after drinking directly from the source I felt… amazing. And sated. But I'd probably completely destroyed Dan's trust in me, so that was a very big amount of rubbish and uhoh. Though he seemed fine enough… I'd ask him when I woke up. Probably. Maybe. If I wasn't too terrified. Oh who was I kidding…

I slept.

…

"Wakey, wakey Philip," A voice cooed and I sat up quickly, bashing heads with the owner. "Oww, fuck!"

I blinked but the world became no clearer. "I think my contacts have fallen out," I mumbled. "Sorry about that."

Dan chuckled, standing. "I'll get your glasses out." Soon they were slid onto my face and Dan came into focus, a smile on his face. "Morning… or night rather."

"Morning," I whispered, guilt filling me a new. How could he stand to be around me? "Did you get us on a flight?"

He nodded, reaching out a hand to help me up. "It boards soon enough and then we'll have a fun twelve hour flight to Romania," he grimaced. "Let's hope that you don't have to walk across any sunlit ground at any point, I'd prefer you didn't die."

"Funnily enough I'd prefer that too," I said ruefully, still holding his hand. "Shall we get a snack?" Dan gave me a surprised look. "What? I'm hungry…"

He rolled his eyes. "Hungry? Or like… hungry, hungry?" He mimed fangs.

"Just hungry," I said tightly.

Dan smiled. "Shall we treat ourselves to the golden arches then?" I nodded happily and started heading off, pulling him along behind me. "Wait a sec, Phil," Dan said nervously and I halted, my stomach filling with dread. This was it, this was where he told me I was a monster for biting him and that he hated me… "You know… if you do get hungry, hungry… All you need to do is ask," then he blushed. Daniel James Howell, master of sarcasm and witty banter and usually the epitome of calm and collected BLUSHED.

"Are you serious?" I whispered.

He bit his lip and nodded, looking at his feet. "While I didn't appreciate the fact that you just stuck them in me in front of Chris and Peej... and at first it hurt like a bitch and I was really pissed off and terrified… after a second it sort of felt… good."

"Oh…" I took in his small smirk. "Oh! Like… sexually good?"

Dan snickered. "Yes, sexually good Philip. If Chris hadn't been there I would've jumped you for sure."

I couldn't help but chuckle. "I doubt Chris would've minded." We started walking again, turning the many equally boring halls full of seats on our quest for McDonalds.

"How about Peej's reaction to all this?" Dan said quietly.

"It was what I'd expected," I said simply.

Dan glared, not at me but at the world in general. "He's our friend though, he shouldn't be afraid of you and he sure as hell shouldn't get pissed at me for sticking by you like a decent human being!"

"It's okay Dan," I mumbled, tugging him in closer so that I could wrap my arm around him. "Peej will come around, Chris will convince him."

"It's not fucking okay," Dan grumbled. "PJ's being a dick."

"You sound like a three year old!" I chortled.

"Do not," he replied petulantly and then his eyes lit up. "McDonalds!" He pulled away and ran ahead, cheering. Yeah, definitely not a three year old… "What do you want Phil?"

"A cheeseburger happy meal," I called out, ignoring the angry, phone-wielding business man who glared at me as I walked past. "And I better get a good toy!" I slumped down at a reasonably clean table, not-so-subtly checking Dan's bum out as he ordered. Thank god for his belts and their ineffectiveness…

"Hello ducky!" A voice whispered in my ear and I went rigid.

"What are you doing here?" I sighed, turning to face my entirely unwelcome Dan's arse viewing interrupter.

Alan smirked, leaning back and kicking his sneakers up onto the table. "You're looking healthy babe, did you finally get Danny boy to agree to a little biting?" He chuckled. "Bet he doesn't want to now, that would've hurt like hell."

"He said it didn't hurt at all," I said snippily. "Perhaps you're just a dickhead and make it hurt for people."

The smarmy git shrugged. "Perhaps I do Philip my dear, perhaps I do. Or…"

"Or what?"

"Perhaps you two are mates."

I gave him a blank look. "Well obviously we're mates; we've been best friends for years now."

Alan chortled. "Not that type of mate babe, like a life partner, soul-mate sort of thing."

I had no doubt that there was a stupid lovesick expression on my face. "Really?" Then I glared at him. "Also, stop calling me babe."

He smirked, eyes gleaming in a way that was sort of worrying. "You know you love it," he said playfully.

"Alan…" I said quietly. "Are you here to kill me?"

Alan smiled. "Got it in one babe." Then he struck.

...


	9. Chapter 9

_Ahh! I'm so sorry this took forever I hate assessment time so much work! Anyways... Here is the latest chapter :)_

* * *

CHAPTER NINE

…

"Nice fucking try, slut."

Alan gasped as Dan gripped him by the shoulders, forcing him back into his seat.

"How did you do that?" I whispered, awestruck.

Dan shrugged. "Can't you tell, I've been working out," he snorted.

"He's grown strong like a vampire," Alan smiled widely, flashing his fangs. "Marzi will be pleased."

"Marzi doesn't give a flying fuck, Alan," Marzi strode up to the table, clad head to toe in black, her hair a beacon of blue on her head. "Now Mr Lester, if you wouldn't mind letting Alan stake you, it would be much appreciated."

"Fuck off!" Dan growled and then turned to me apologetically. "I'll be right back Phil, I'm just going to get the food."

"Great plan, Dan," I muttered as he wandered off. "Leave me with the people who want me dead…" I glared at Marzi. "Why do you want me dead, anyway?"

She shrugged. "It's necessary."

"How can killing me be necessary, thought Dan and I were meant to be kings or something?" I said exasperatedly. "Make up your mind, would you?"

Dan dropped my happy meal onto the table and even though it was a life and death situation I still made a happy noise and smiled up at him. "Can I sit on you?" Dan asked. "Everywhere else appears to have been taken."

I nodded and he plonked himself down carelessly, making me groan. "Really?" I frowned when I saw him snicker.

"You're such a rubbish vampire," he said fondly. "I mean Edward Cullen had super speed and strength and shit, you've got like weird Tom Riddle powers and a pretty face."

"Can I point out the neither Edward Cullen or Tom Riddle is real," Alan said.

"Shut up Alan," everyone said in unison, even Marzi.

"Fine," he said huffily. "Now can we get back to killing you?"

I reached around Dan and started unwrapping my burger. "I'd prefer we didn't."

"I'd prefer we did," Alan shot back. "Can I have a chip?"

I shrugged. "If you tell me why you want to kill me?"

Alan nodded, grabbing a handful of fries.

"Oi! A chip implies one, not seventy two…"

He rolled his eyes. "Like you'd even get seventy two chips in a happy meal." I glared at him and he eventually, with an overdramatic sigh, put some of them back. "Now do you want an explanation, or what?"

I nodded and to my surprise Marzi answered. "We need to prove that you are so immortal that you cannot die even by being staked. It's all part of the Prophecy of the Blood Bound." I swore I could hear the capital letters.

"What in the actual fuck," Dan mumbled around a mouthful of fries. "How do you know you won't just kill him?"

Marzi smirked. "We don't."

"Then no, you can't kill him," Dan said. "I sort of need him."

My dead heart fluttered like an irrational school girl's at those words. How on Earth a dead heart could flutter I had absolutely no idea.

"But it's important!" Alan whined.

"What makes you think you guys need to do all of these things?" I asked curiously, polishing off my burger.

Alan and Marzi looked at each other and then at us. "Umm…" Alan mumbled. "We don't really… we just don't like Dracula and want the prophecy to get a move on."

"Well no shit," Dan said. "Who the fuck likes Dracula?"

He shrugged. "He and the late Michael Jackson seemed to get on quite well; you didn't think Michael thought up the moves to Thriller all on his own, did you?"

"Bullshit," Dan muttered. "We'll be leaving thanks, off to kill Dracula and all that."

Marzi smiled at us, lips painted a poisonous green. Why would anyone want green lipstick? "I don't think so…"

Dan rolled his eyes before turning to me. "Hey Phil?"

"Yeah Dan?"

He handed me a ticket. "Run."

Marzi and Alan screamed as Dan sprayed them with holy water. "What do you know," I snickered, "it actually works." Marzi turned to me, snarling. "Time to go…" I ran.

…

The world blurred into a sickening streak of light and colour as I pushed myself to go faster, dodging around human traffic in my bid for a non-violent non-end because I didn't want to die, thanks very much. I could hear one set of footsteps crashing along behind me, which I presumed was Marzi. Alan didn't strike me as the athletic type.

I hoped to god that wherever Dan was he was handling Alan. If he died permanently I might as well have died with him. Glancing down at the boarding pass I noted the gate number. 69. Well at least I was heading in the right direction.

Then I tripped.

Landing face first on the ground I hopped up as fast as I could but it was already too late. Marzi was on top of me; stake raised high above her head, ready to plunge it into my heart and end me. I closed my eyes and readied myself for death.

I heard a choking noise and then I felt a light layer of something gritty fell on me. "Phil?" Dan whispered.

I opened my eyes. Dan was stood there; wooden stake clutched firmly in hand, a look of horror on his face. Even more worrying was the number of iPhones filming us. "Come on," I said, jumping up and grabbing his hand. "Let's get to the gate."

Dan whimpered. "So many people saw me do that Phil."

I paused, considering that. "Everyone forget this," I said, with as much of a commanding tone as I could muster. "And delete this off your phones." To my amazement people began to turn away and I saw several people fiddling with their phones, blank expressions commonplace among the crowd. "It worked…" I whispered and then Dan and I escaped. "What happened to Alan?"

Dan shrugged, shaking slightly. "He ran off the moment we were alone." We jogged briskly to our gate, flopping down into the seats.

"Okay," I tried to think rationally. "So Marzi is dead, Alan's run off and somebody's probably going to leak that to YouTube."

"No… nobody would ever consider uploading something as fantastical as a staking to YouTube." Sassy-Dan had finally made a proper reappearance. "We are fucking screwed, even with that fancy mind control you pulled, someone will have escaped."

I shrugged. "We'll search it up when we land, okay? Then if it's up we'll consider our options."

"Flight from London to Transylvania at Gate 69 is now boarding," the flight attended said over the loud speaker, calm and collected. Quite the opposite of Dan and I. We stumbled up and the woman checked over our passes with a smile.

We were on our way to kill Dracula.

…

"Phil it's sort of light out," Dan said as I opened my eyes blearily.

"How am I awake then?" I mumbled, slowly sitting up.

Dan laughed uneasily. "I may have put a drop of holy water on your hand, not enough to hurt… just enough to wake you up. The thing is we're landing soon and it's like some time during the day."

I looked at my hands frantically, searching for burns. "You put holy water on me?" I said incredulously. "Are you mental?" I squeaked when I saw a 10 pence-sized burn.

Dan shrugged. "You wouldn't wake up any other way. Now back to the bloody point… it's sunnier than an episode of Teletubbies out there, so do you have any bright ideas on how we can avoid turning you into undead bacon?"

"Maybe it'll be an inside walk off the plane?" I said hopefully.

"Windows, Phil," Dan said with a sick sort of relish, "windows."

"I could wear your hoodie, cover as much skin as possible and walk very quickly," I suggested.

Dan pulled off his hoodie immediately, throwing it at me with considerable enthusiasm. "Very fast walking Phil, like Superman fast," he snickered. "Someone will probably think you've left a bomb on the plane or something."

"That isn't funny, Dan," I grouched. "I'd prefer not to get tackled by security in broad daylight and have my face sizzle off…"

"Someone woke up on the wrong side of the coffin," Dan mocked. "Is ickle Philip a bit sleepy?"

That earned Dan a sharp slap to the back of his head. It might have been a little over zealous considering his head slammed into the seat in front of him. "Sorry…"

Dan gave me an exasperated look, rubbing his forehead. "You're like a toddler with super powers; I fear for my life."

"Would you kiss a toddler?" I said pointedly.

Dan smirked. "Perhaps… maybe even more than a kiss…"

I shuddered. "Dan!" I glared at him as he burst out laughing. "That's disturbing on so many levels."

"Okay only if you were the toddler."

"That's still creepy!"

"What can I say? I'm just a creep." With that he leant in and brushed his lips against mine teasingly. "You love me anyway…"

I deepened the kiss. "Lucky for you," I mumbled against his lips.

A pointed cough came from the seats across from us and Dan pulled away quickly, glaring at the old woman who gave us a disgusted look. "Problem?" He asked stonily.

She snorted and didn't give a verbal response, choosing instead to glare back at Dan with so much hate that I was surprised he didn't start bleeding from the head or something.

"I said, is there a problem?" Dan said patronisingly slow, enunciating all his words carefully.

"Yes there is," she began stiffly, her accent making her words difficult to understand. "You should not be doing that in public. There are children on this plane!"

Dan scoffed. "If he was a girl would you still have the same problem?"

"Dan, let it go," I muttered, placing a hand on his arm.

"No Phil," he muttered, "bitches like her deserve to be put in their place." At this point he was practically shaking with anger.

"What did you just call me?" The woman spat, letting out string of curse words in what I assumed was Romanian.

"Oh so on top of being incredibly stupid and fucking hateful you're also deaf as a post?" Dan said faux-sweetly, drawing something from his jeans pocket.

"At least I'm not a good for nothing _curist_!"

I saw a flash of silver as Dan leapt across me for the woman. "Did you just call me a fag in Romanian?" He screeched.

Grabbing him with one hand I yanked him back, quickly removing the switchblade from his grasp and tucking it in my pocket. "How in the hell did you sneak that on board?" I muttered incredulously.

Dan didn't bother to reply, instead choosing to shoot the woman the finger.

"_We are beginning our descent, please make sure all electronic devices are switched off and seatbelts are secured_."

With a huff Dan sat back in his chair, the fight draining out of him. His mood swings were giving me whiplash. "Dan… Are you okay?" I asked as the plane began to drop.

He turned to me and smiled, but he didn't answer.

...


End file.
